but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
