Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
