I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
