I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
