so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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