you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
