she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
