My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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