Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
