Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
