She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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