k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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