I just saw a hot homeless man
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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