it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
