I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
