Soap is not a condiment
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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