I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
