I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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