she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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