There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
