DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
