Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
