hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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