dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
