420 ftw
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
