Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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