I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
