I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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