I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
