is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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