Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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