What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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