My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
