she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
