Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
