After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
