Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
