I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
