I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
