When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
