I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
barbara walters just said penis...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
