i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
