I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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