The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
