I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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