Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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