so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
