She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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