WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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