i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
