I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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